Everything is bright and consuming taken to the assumption of distant past lives that seem to be coming back to life, It is in these times I seem to need more insight that had been forgotten long ago. I love to drift off into intense thought it makes me feel real and like I exist once and for all. After these long nights of sitting here alone I realize nothing really matters at all and that everything is always at risk. I know this is simple but it’s true and I prefer it this way. I think I understand where insight comes from now and I am taken back by this each time the realization reoccurs. I feel like I am behind and ahead all at once and while this clashes it reminds me that I’m wholly imperfect. These temptations of loss and resignation are nothing more than blisters of dreams left untouched. I keep wondering if I just let myself go with no concious thought what will come of it. I feel almost like I have to relay a message that isn’t for now, but some time soon. this is where the world will take me to be free and un alone and like everyone else and I feel this to be true because this place cannot be judged or scewed by inside/outside perceptions. I feel like I am left behind in a world that never really existed in the first place and while they maybe true I feel they have nothing at all. I wonder, I wander and never seem to get things right but know in the end that it all fits in just right. I tend to forget where I had come from and where exactly I was going but now I know that the time is dawning to understand the true approximation that will be the short coming of this world that has pretended to shine so brightly along with these shiny fake toy guns. This pains me and yet makes me feel liberated to know that the time will come for this to be exposed and that the truth is the only reliable thing there and the only thing we have left to share, and I feel maybe this is why I hold it so close, because it truly is rare. I feel the pearl is coming to surface and I will finally understand what it is to be a person, No more judges no more rulings just life the tide and the small dose of losing. This will push me over to the top where I should’ve been all along but forget to let myself go. The direction has swirved but there is always room for new beginnings even though I know this will go unheard. I see blind eyes and slanted teeth and wonder how this ever came to be. Glass jaws filled with ivory and bourban I wonder why this has seemed to become such a surburban way of life and ideals and loves and losses I never knew who exactly was holding that golden goblet. I never knew why but I know now not to look down that path of darkness. The decay reaches your lips but you always have the choice to pull back and not take the kiss. This rings true now and hopefully will fall asleep in my skin and leave me at peace. I feel this is the truest it could’ve ever been for me and now I know that this was never the end just a small leap into the beginning of the thin film that had lead me so astray to the desires of gin. I feel this will never be real enough, but I know it is enough to let me live.
